Well, for the next couple of weeks until I go back for summer quarter.
But nonetheless, I AM FREE!!
The past week I've been nothing but one huge stress ball and not that much fun to be around. I've been stressed over one class that I ABSOLUTELY need to pass in order to move on and take other classes that I need for my degree.
Stupid prerequisites.
I'm still somewhat stressed over what I'm going to get in the class, but not AS bad.
I haven't really experimented with anything new as of late. But on Friday I am going to make Ultra Fudgy Brownies for a get together that night. I came across this yummy recipe on Angela's Oh She Glows blog that she got from the cookbook Sweet Freedom. They sound AND look delicious!
I can't wait.
I might make them tonight to make sure they do taste as good as they look and sound.
This week I got back into my gym routine after going through a bit of a rough patch last week. I was in a down and out mood last week and super stressed. I wasn't feeling that great about myself and just took a week off from working out completely. To some people I may come off as if I don't have a care in the world, that I have it easy or that I'm not self-concious at all about myself, how I look, so on and so forth.
That couldn't be farther from the truth!
I'm going to open up a little bit on here, I almost wasn't going to post this. I have a hard time opening up and I tend to keep things bottled up until the last possible moment.
Once I do open it, it ALL comes out. I sound like a blubbering idiot or I my words are just completely jumbled.
Definitely not healthy.
The truth of the matter is, I am very self-concious about the way I look and my body image. I may not come off that way, but deep down I am. It's been something I've struggled with since high school and until now. I believe it's something that most women struggle with and men as well. I've slowly started to accept the way my body looks. I know that I will never have the perfect little toned body or flat stomach. I'm not going to over work myself or drive myself crazy to achieve it either. I workout and keep in shape for myself. I eat healthy and I'm not going to starve myself just to look a "certain way".
Please, I don't want anyone to take what I've put the wrong way. I'm not putting down anyone who is training towards a certain goal, like my best friend. I am so proud of her and support her 110%! I'm not judging or putting anyone down. This is strictly towards me, I've struggled with this for years and enough is enough for me.
I've learned that I CAN NOT compare myself to others. I've realized I have a different body type from others and that I'm built differently. We ALL are. If someone can't accept me for the way I am and how I look then they can keep on walking.
A couple weekends ago, Memorial weekend to be exact, I finally lost it, crying and all, and opened up to one of my best friends about what has been going on. I felt so ashamed and horrible that I didn't open up to her sooner and I hope she doesn't hold that against me. Or any of my other best friends and family for that matter. Sorries!
I've been super stressed with school and other things. I haven't been entirely happy with where I am at this point in my life. At almost 28 years old I really thought by now, at the age I am, I would be further along with my life. I thought that I'd be graduated from college and have a steady job. A place of my own. In a steady, healthy and loving relationship. I have none of those at the moment. I am, by far, the hardest on myself.
When I told her all this, my best friend told me something that really put me more at ease. That life doesn't always go according to plan or how we want it to.
Of course, she said some other things to me that I won't get into detail about, but that sentence really struck home. Something so simple as that sentence seemed to make me feel better. It's so obvious and yet completely true.
It's something that I've told many of my friends before, yet I couldn't recognize it myself. It took my best friend to point that out for me to finally realize it. I am such a control freak when it comes to my life, that I completely forgot that life doesn't always go accordingly to plan or how I want it to. There's always going to be speed bumps or massive potholes along the way. The best thing that a person can do is get over it and keep on moving.
Shanel- Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so very much.
To my best friends- I love you all so very much! I don't know what I would do with out you all. You truly are family to me. I am so lucky to have you all in my life and very grateful! I appreciate and love you more than you know!
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